she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
