you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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