this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
