brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
