it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
