My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
