he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
