it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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