I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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