Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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