I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
