just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I AM VODKA MAN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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