Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The Olympian is in my bed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
