Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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