Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
