i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
