Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
