Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
