a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
