If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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