id be glad to
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
