No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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