Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
