don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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