i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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