North Korea, Best Korea!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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