My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
