How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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