WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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