Soap is not a condiment
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
