I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
