I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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