i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
