apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
