Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
