I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
