Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
