mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
