Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want nice things and good sex
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
