dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
