Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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