Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
