I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
