I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
