At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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