I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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