I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
