So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
