I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
