So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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