wakey wakey hands off snakey
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
