as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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