Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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