I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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