How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You need Xanax blowdarts
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
