Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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