You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
